Hazel's HOTmail: Not Through My Back Door: You Won't!

Dear Hazel,

My husband has started some freaky behavior that has me wondering if he is cheating on me. We’ve been married for eight years and all of a sudden he wants to do things like have anal sex and ejaculate on my back and stomach instead of inside of me. He has also become more vocal during sex and saying things that I feel are disrespectful and just down right nasty.
This is unusual. We have never had any issues in bed and always seemed to be on the same page. We would add spice to our sex life by watching X rated videos, using whipped cream and trying new positions, just to name a few. Anal sex has never interested me and I thought that it didn’t interest him either since we’ve never even discussed it.
Now, all of a sudden, he is telling me how good my vagina is but he uses the “p” word or he’ll say that he is tearing my “p” up when we are making love. All of this makes me uncomfortable. Recently, he has been renting a lot of anal sex videos. The last time we were about to make love doggie style, he tried to put his penis in my anus instead of my vagina. When I called him on it, he laughed and then begged me to try it. Needless to say, the moment was ruined and I left the room.
Let me say that I am not a prude and I want nothing more than to please my husband. But I don’t know what to think about this new behavior he is exhibiting. When I asked him if he was cheating on me with a woman, he said no. When I asked if the reason he was so hell bent on having anal sex was because he was cheating on me with a man, he said hell no. He explained that he just wanted to try different things with me. I can understand that but my question to him is why is he being so, what I feel, is extreme.
Can you give me any advice?

A.L. in ATL

Dear A.L.

I don’t necessarily think that your husband is cheating on you. I can understand why after eight years, the brother might want to try something else besides whipped cream and Cinemax After Dark. I do think, however, that you are more of a prude than you are willing to admit.
Now, I am not saying that you need to bend over and take one for the team. I am saying that maybe you should open up, just a little bit more to new ideas of what sex could be with your husband. Maybe anal sex is just one of the new things that he wants to try. Find out what else he may be interested in. Also, tell him what new things, if any, that you are interested in. Communicate openly and honestly. There is nothing wrong with a little “dirty” pillow talk. You’ll be amazed how much it would turn you both on. It is not “making love” all the time, even when it’s with your husband. Sometimes it’s “banging”, “fucking”, or just plain “having sex”. All of which are okay. You can use other words to describe both yours and his body parts. It’s okay.
To learn more about being comfortable with your sexuality and some new and alternative techniques that may appeal to you more, I suggest two resources:
Pleasure: Getting the Sex You Want and Deserve by Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.
203 Ways To Drive A Man Wild in Bed by Olivia St. Claire

Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.