DAY SEVEN: Girl Talk
Sharing sexual secrets with your best girlfriend can be an invaluable resource. Unfortunately, a lot of us do not tap into this resource because we are afraid of what our friends will think of us. We have to remember that as women, we are nurturers and healers by nature and when we share our vast knowledge with each other, it can be life changing. It is important to feel free to talk openly and honestly with each other in a trusting and safe environment.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson suggests that women form sisterhood groups. These groups should be with women whom you like and trust and the group should meet regularly. Be sure to sure to serve plenty of food and drinks for a friendly and fun atmosphere. Some of Dr. Hutcherson's suggestions for getting the sharing ball rolling are as follows:
1. Have each sisterhood member write her own erotic fantasy and place it in a large bowl to ensure anonymity. After fellowship, food and a few glasses of wine, each member will take turns pulling a fantasy from the bowl and reading it aloud to the group. You will be surprised at how much you will learn by listening to someone else's fantasy. By the end of the evening, each woman won't be able to wait to get home to her partner.
2.Call your local Passion Party representative to give a presentation on erotic toys to your group. The representative will display erotic toys, explain how they work and offer them for sale to your group. Or, you can plan a field trip with your group to an adult store to explore, sample and purchase erotic toys.
3. Invite the group over for a "recipe" swap. Have each woman write her favorite sexual techique on a recipe card and place it in a bowl. Each woman takes a card as she is leaving the gathering. At the next meeting, each woman reveals what recipe she tried and how it worked for her.
Again, when trying something new, it is important to keep an open mind and have fun.
Source(s): Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Showing posts with label hazel mills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hazel mills. Show all posts
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day
DAY SIX: Sexy Games
Remember how much fun you had playing games as a kid? It was exciting to finally find your hide and seek playmate or to be top dog in a competitive game of Monopoly.
It can be even more exciting,not to mention arousing to play these games and countless others with your lover. All that is needed is an open mind and a little imagination.
Strip poker is a classic game for couples. You can actually add "strip" to any game and make it more interesting. For example, when playing Monopoly, every time your partner lands on your property or rolls a certain number with the dice, you can have him or her remove a piece of clothing of your choice. Naked Twister is another arousing game for couples to play. But don't think that game time is limited to card or board games.
Role play can be equally as much fun and the possibilities are endless. You can arrange for your lover to meet you at a restaurant or bar and pretend to be a stranger who propositions you for a one night stand. How about a game of doctor? One of you can pretend to be the doctor who gives his or her patient a very thorough examination.
The point is to feel free to explore other avenues of enhancing your sex life.
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Remember how much fun you had playing games as a kid? It was exciting to finally find your hide and seek playmate or to be top dog in a competitive game of Monopoly.
It can be even more exciting,not to mention arousing to play these games and countless others with your lover. All that is needed is an open mind and a little imagination.
Strip poker is a classic game for couples. You can actually add "strip" to any game and make it more interesting. For example, when playing Monopoly, every time your partner lands on your property or rolls a certain number with the dice, you can have him or her remove a piece of clothing of your choice. Naked Twister is another arousing game for couples to play. But don't think that game time is limited to card or board games.
Role play can be equally as much fun and the possibilities are endless. You can arrange for your lover to meet you at a restaurant or bar and pretend to be a stranger who propositions you for a one night stand. How about a game of doctor? One of you can pretend to be the doctor who gives his or her patient a very thorough examination.
The point is to feel free to explore other avenues of enhancing your sex life.
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day
DAY FIVE: Talk Dirty
Some women are embarrassed to even think dirty so talking dirty is definitely out of the question. But when you stop cringing and let your guard down and just try it, you may find that engaging in a little nasty talk can be quite arousing and stimulating.
Quite frankly, I don't see anything wrong with two adults who are involved in a healthy relationship indulging in an erotic exchange. This is a sure fire way to be an open communicator about your needs, desires or fantasies and to increase the passion in your relationship. Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman.
Don't know what to say? You can start your research by reading erotica and paying careful attention to the bold and uninhibited phrases used to described what is happening in the story. It may even be a good idea to read together.
You may find it easier to write dirty than talk dirty. In this case, send your lover a sexy text message or email, detailing your intentions.
You can also practice talking dirty out loud to yourself. The goal is to get comfortable with the taste of the words in your mouth until they just roll off your tongue.
Whatever you do, don't forget to have fun doing it and encourage your partner to do the same.
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Some women are embarrassed to even think dirty so talking dirty is definitely out of the question. But when you stop cringing and let your guard down and just try it, you may find that engaging in a little nasty talk can be quite arousing and stimulating.
Quite frankly, I don't see anything wrong with two adults who are involved in a healthy relationship indulging in an erotic exchange. This is a sure fire way to be an open communicator about your needs, desires or fantasies and to increase the passion in your relationship. Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman.
Don't know what to say? You can start your research by reading erotica and paying careful attention to the bold and uninhibited phrases used to described what is happening in the story. It may even be a good idea to read together.
You may find it easier to write dirty than talk dirty. In this case, send your lover a sexy text message or email, detailing your intentions.
You can also practice talking dirty out loud to yourself. The goal is to get comfortable with the taste of the words in your mouth until they just roll off your tongue.
Whatever you do, don't forget to have fun doing it and encourage your partner to do the same.
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day
DAY FOUR: Be A Star
Why not be the stars in your own erotic movie? This is a certain arousal booster. Using a tripod, position the video camera with lens facing toward the bed and film your lovemaking session. ONE COPY ONLY PLEASE unless you and your lover look forward to having your business go viral on the internet.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve, if you are too shy for the big screen, you can place a tape recorder at the hea of the bed and record your sexy sounds during lovemaking. Listen together later to put you in a sexy mood.
Why not be the stars in your own erotic movie? This is a certain arousal booster. Using a tripod, position the video camera with lens facing toward the bed and film your lovemaking session. ONE COPY ONLY PLEASE unless you and your lover look forward to having your business go viral on the internet.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve, if you are too shy for the big screen, you can place a tape recorder at the hea of the bed and record your sexy sounds during lovemaking. Listen together later to put you in a sexy mood.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day
DAY THREE: Adventuring Out of the Nest
Sex in the same place, at the same time quickly becomes routine and dull. A truly sensually erotic playmate will add spice to a long-term love affair by initiating sex (day two's tip) in varied and unusual places and at unexpected times. Something as simple as moving to a different room can lend an air of excitement to your sex play. Men love variety and you can provide all the novelty he'll ever need by being creative about where you seduce him.
1.Take it out of the bedroom. Seduce him while the two of you are watching television together in the living room. That big armchair would make a wonderful playpen. You can also try the kitchen counter, the bathroom floor or the attic. All are incredibly erotic spots for love trysts, if you make them so.
2.Your own backyard. While he is mowing the lawn, surprise him by leading him into the bushes for some truly wild lovemaking. You can also have sex on your porch swings or hammock. There is something intoxicating about the thrill of possible discovery.
3.The car. Your car is like your own personal love-making cocoon. Attack him in the back seat and it will be like reliving your teenage years.
4.Going up. When the two of you are alone on the elevator, take the opportunity to blow more than his mind. Have him hold the "door close" button while you live him a nice little oral treat.
5. Let's party. Cleverly excuse yourselves from a party or wedding reception and escape into the nearest bathroom, lock the door and go at it.
Wherever you make love, the point is to be creative and keep the relationship new and exciting. Remember, no one likes stale crackers.
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Source(s) quoted: 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed by Olivia St. Claire
Sex in the same place, at the same time quickly becomes routine and dull. A truly sensually erotic playmate will add spice to a long-term love affair by initiating sex (day two's tip) in varied and unusual places and at unexpected times. Something as simple as moving to a different room can lend an air of excitement to your sex play. Men love variety and you can provide all the novelty he'll ever need by being creative about where you seduce him.
1.Take it out of the bedroom. Seduce him while the two of you are watching television together in the living room. That big armchair would make a wonderful playpen. You can also try the kitchen counter, the bathroom floor or the attic. All are incredibly erotic spots for love trysts, if you make them so.
2.Your own backyard. While he is mowing the lawn, surprise him by leading him into the bushes for some truly wild lovemaking. You can also have sex on your porch swings or hammock. There is something intoxicating about the thrill of possible discovery.
3.The car. Your car is like your own personal love-making cocoon. Attack him in the back seat and it will be like reliving your teenage years.
4.Going up. When the two of you are alone on the elevator, take the opportunity to blow more than his mind. Have him hold the "door close" button while you live him a nice little oral treat.
5. Let's party. Cleverly excuse yourselves from a party or wedding reception and escape into the nearest bathroom, lock the door and go at it.
Wherever you make love, the point is to be creative and keep the relationship new and exciting. Remember, no one likes stale crackers.
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Source(s) quoted: 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed by Olivia St. Claire
Friday, February 5, 2010
Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day
Day Two: Initiate
Nothing turns a man on more than feeling wanted by his lover. Initiating lovemaking is admitting that you enjoy sex with him and you want more of it. Let's be honest... that's a feeling we all love.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting The Sex You Want, Need and Desire, you should make an effort to tell your man how much he turns you on and you'll find out how such a small gesture can make a big impact on your sex life and relationship.
A lot of women often shy away from initiating sex because our mothers have told us that "good girls" shouldn't ask for sex. Also, there is the fear that he may reject our advances. What would be more humiliating, right? Wrong! How can we expect to get what we want if we don't ask for it? Men certainly don't have this problem. They set themselves up for rejection all the time yet they keep asking.
How do you initiate sex? Well, I'm glad you asked. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Start with my tip from Day One. Kiss your man, deeply and passionately.
2. Whisper what you want in his ear. Don't be afraid to be explicit in your request. Tell him what you want to do to him and what you want him to do to you.
3. Grab his crotch. You can't get a more direct approach than this.
4. Give him a lap dance. Wear sexy lingerie and straddle him while gyrating and swirling your hips on his lap. Touching you is not allowed and maintaining eye contact is sexy as hell. "Cater 2U" by Destiny's Child is a great song to lap dance to (don't ask me how I know).
5. Bathe him. Like women, men love having it be all about them. Fill a tub with warm water. Sprinkle in some aromatherapy oil and light a few scented candles. Undress him and guide him into the tub. Lovingly wash and stroke every inch of his body.
These are just a few ways to seduce your man. Be creative. The goal is to let him know how much you crave him and that you can't wait to ride him into the night.
Nothing turns a man on more than feeling wanted by his lover. Initiating lovemaking is admitting that you enjoy sex with him and you want more of it. Let's be honest... that's a feeling we all love.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting The Sex You Want, Need and Desire, you should make an effort to tell your man how much he turns you on and you'll find out how such a small gesture can make a big impact on your sex life and relationship.
A lot of women often shy away from initiating sex because our mothers have told us that "good girls" shouldn't ask for sex. Also, there is the fear that he may reject our advances. What would be more humiliating, right? Wrong! How can we expect to get what we want if we don't ask for it? Men certainly don't have this problem. They set themselves up for rejection all the time yet they keep asking.
How do you initiate sex? Well, I'm glad you asked. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Start with my tip from Day One. Kiss your man, deeply and passionately.
2. Whisper what you want in his ear. Don't be afraid to be explicit in your request. Tell him what you want to do to him and what you want him to do to you.
3. Grab his crotch. You can't get a more direct approach than this.
4. Give him a lap dance. Wear sexy lingerie and straddle him while gyrating and swirling your hips on his lap. Touching you is not allowed and maintaining eye contact is sexy as hell. "Cater 2U" by Destiny's Child is a great song to lap dance to (don't ask me how I know).
5. Bathe him. Like women, men love having it be all about them. Fill a tub with warm water. Sprinkle in some aromatherapy oil and light a few scented candles. Undress him and guide him into the tub. Lovingly wash and stroke every inch of his body.
These are just a few ways to seduce your man. Be creative. The goal is to let him know how much you crave him and that you can't wait to ride him into the night.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is ten (10) days away and some of us are making plans for a quiet weekend getaway, romantic dinners, ordering flowers, purchasing red lingerie, learning a new bedroom trick or two, etc. All of these love day rituals are wonderful but did you know that adding a little sensuality to your sexuality can send your Valentine's Day into orbit?
And, who says you have to wait until February 14th to get started? How about ten days of toe-curling foreplay? I will post a spicy new tip everyday until Valentine's Day and you can turn Valentine's Day into Valentine's Week.
DAY ONE: KISSING
When was the last time you really kissed your partner? I am not talking about a peck on the cheek. I mean a REAL kiss like you did when the relationship was fresh and new and one touch of their lips on yours would make your heart pound and your breathing shallow and your soul stir. Do you remember? What? No? Shame on you! No worries because today is your lucky day (and his/hers)!
Kissing seems like such a simple place to begin but you wouldn't believe how many people really have no idea how to give or receive a mind-numbing kiss. Kissing is becoming a lost art. We have forgotten how deeply erotic and sensuous a kiss can be.
According to Olivia St. Claire, author of 203 Ways To Drive a Man Wild in Bed, if you approach each kiss with a sense of wonder, you'll be well on your way to creating a very sensual experience. St. Claire also suggests that you concentrate on the sensation of lip against lip, tongue on tongue, wet against dry, and you'll startle him into an early erection. He, too, will remember the excitement and electric discovery of that first kiss.
1. Close your eyes. Kissing is a performance to be felt not watched. There is something magical that happens when both of you relinquish control and allow your emotions to guide the kiss. The vulnerability and mystery of closing your eyes enhances the kiss for both of you.
2. Let your fingers do the walking while your tongue does the talking. Don't be afraid to caress your partner as your tongues playfully dart in and out of each others mouths. Stroke his face, the back of his head or neck. Grab and squeeze his ass.
3. Don't forget to moan or sigh during the kiss. Let him know that you are enjoying this intimate moment.
4. Two highly erogenous zones are the corners of his mouth. Gently lick/kiss these areas.
5. Invite him into the inside of your lips during a deep kiss. This area is softer and more sensitive. It is also a deeply intimate gesture.
Of course, no one said that kissing has to be limited to the lips. By all means, feel free to take the show on a tour all over his body. The nibbling, licking and kissing will drive him wild. Don't worry whether or not you are doing it right. His responses will be a the guidance you'll need
And, who says you have to wait until February 14th to get started? How about ten days of toe-curling foreplay? I will post a spicy new tip everyday until Valentine's Day and you can turn Valentine's Day into Valentine's Week.
DAY ONE: KISSING
When was the last time you really kissed your partner? I am not talking about a peck on the cheek. I mean a REAL kiss like you did when the relationship was fresh and new and one touch of their lips on yours would make your heart pound and your breathing shallow and your soul stir. Do you remember? What? No? Shame on you! No worries because today is your lucky day (and his/hers)!
Kissing seems like such a simple place to begin but you wouldn't believe how many people really have no idea how to give or receive a mind-numbing kiss. Kissing is becoming a lost art. We have forgotten how deeply erotic and sensuous a kiss can be.
According to Olivia St. Claire, author of 203 Ways To Drive a Man Wild in Bed, if you approach each kiss with a sense of wonder, you'll be well on your way to creating a very sensual experience. St. Claire also suggests that you concentrate on the sensation of lip against lip, tongue on tongue, wet against dry, and you'll startle him into an early erection. He, too, will remember the excitement and electric discovery of that first kiss.
1. Close your eyes. Kissing is a performance to be felt not watched. There is something magical that happens when both of you relinquish control and allow your emotions to guide the kiss. The vulnerability and mystery of closing your eyes enhances the kiss for both of you.
2. Let your fingers do the walking while your tongue does the talking. Don't be afraid to caress your partner as your tongues playfully dart in and out of each others mouths. Stroke his face, the back of his head or neck. Grab and squeeze his ass.
3. Don't forget to moan or sigh during the kiss. Let him know that you are enjoying this intimate moment.
4. Two highly erogenous zones are the corners of his mouth. Gently lick/kiss these areas.
5. Invite him into the inside of your lips during a deep kiss. This area is softer and more sensitive. It is also a deeply intimate gesture.
Of course, no one said that kissing has to be limited to the lips. By all means, feel free to take the show on a tour all over his body. The nibbling, licking and kissing will drive him wild. Don't worry whether or not you are doing it right. His responses will be a the guidance you'll need
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
New Year, New You
Hello Beautiful People,
Well, we did it again! We have all survived the madness and mayhem of yet another holiday season and are on the brink of celebrating the beginning of another new year. 2010 is just hours away. Hard to believe, isn't it?
What goals have you set for yourself in the upcoming year? How do you plan to reach those goals? Do you know what you want to do differently in 2010 than you did 2009?
If you have already made your "resolutions" for the new year or if you don't have a clue what you want to change in 2010 and need a few ideas, I invite you to click on this link http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2446088/top_ten_2010_new_years_resolutions.html?cat=2 and check out the article. I encourage you to then send it to five (5) women you know and love and want to see empowered to live better in 2010.
I have made one "resolution" for 2010. That's right. Only one. I will reveal what that "resolution" is on January 1, 2010. You can read about it and follow me throughout 2010 to chart my progress, provide encouragement and/or advice, listen to me complain (and believe me, there will be plenty of complaining) etc. at www.xpressyourselfpublishing.blogspot.com . This will be a 365-day journey and I want you all there with me.
Well, that's all for now. Until next time...Happy New Year!
Well, we did it again! We have all survived the madness and mayhem of yet another holiday season and are on the brink of celebrating the beginning of another new year. 2010 is just hours away. Hard to believe, isn't it?
What goals have you set for yourself in the upcoming year? How do you plan to reach those goals? Do you know what you want to do differently in 2010 than you did 2009?
If you have already made your "resolutions" for the new year or if you don't have a clue what you want to change in 2010 and need a few ideas, I invite you to click on this link http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2446088/top_ten_2010_new_years_resolutions.html?cat=2 and check out the article. I encourage you to then send it to five (5) women you know and love and want to see empowered to live better in 2010.
I have made one "resolution" for 2010. That's right. Only one. I will reveal what that "resolution" is on January 1, 2010. You can read about it and follow me throughout 2010 to chart my progress, provide encouragement and/or advice, listen to me complain (and believe me, there will be plenty of complaining) etc. at www.xpressyourselfpublishing.blogspot.com . This will be a 365-day journey and I want you all there with me.
Well, that's all for now. Until next time...Happy New Year!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Journey To Surrender by Hazel Mills
I am so excited about my second book, Journey To Surrender!
First, I want to thank all of you who purchased my award winning first book, Bare Necessities: Sensuous Tales of Passion. It means a lot to me that you would spend your valuable time and hard earned money on something that I wrote. I can't put into words just how much that makes my heart sing.
I can't wait to introduce you all to Journey To Surrender, the novel.
Ahmad and Nikki Jacobs are the picture perfect couple. They began their love affair as college sweethearts. Now, they are married, live in the biggest and most beautiful home on their street, and drive the finest cars money can buy. Ahmad is the most successful attorney in the state and Nikki gave up her career as a teacher to become a stay at home mom; raising her daughters and lunching with her girlfriends several times a week.
But what appears to be picture perfect from the outside of this three- story brownstone is very different from the real drama that is happening on the inside.
Nikki's painful past and Ahmad's irresponsible behavior has led them down a road that takes many tragic turns. Shannon, Nikki's younger sister, has her own plans for Ahmad. Lies, deception and murder all take their toll on this already struggling marriage.
Can this couple get to a loving and trusting place in their relationship or has the collateral damage ruined it for life?
Meet the characters:
Nikki is the quintessential girl next door with brains, beauty and a big heart. She leaves Mobile, Alabama for college life far away from home on the campus of Georgetown University. But no matter how hard she tries, she can't get away from her painful past. Nikki wants to love and be loved but is afraid that if she lets anyone in, she'll be hurt again.
Ahmad has it going on at every level and has his pick of women. He is one of the rising basketball stars for the Georgetown Hoyas but his time on the court is cut short by an awful tragedy. Ahmad is a good guy who constantly makes irresponsible choices that at one point, almost cost him everything.
Shannon, Nikki's emotionally damaged younger sister, also moves to the nation's capital to further her education at nearby Howard University. Both sisters share the same twisted family secret but deal with it differently. Shannon is on a mission to get as much as she can, by any means necessary. Her destructive behavior leaves everyone in her path shell-shocked.
First, I want to thank all of you who purchased my award winning first book, Bare Necessities: Sensuous Tales of Passion. It means a lot to me that you would spend your valuable time and hard earned money on something that I wrote. I can't put into words just how much that makes my heart sing.
I can't wait to introduce you all to Journey To Surrender, the novel.
Ahmad and Nikki Jacobs are the picture perfect couple. They began their love affair as college sweethearts. Now, they are married, live in the biggest and most beautiful home on their street, and drive the finest cars money can buy. Ahmad is the most successful attorney in the state and Nikki gave up her career as a teacher to become a stay at home mom; raising her daughters and lunching with her girlfriends several times a week.
But what appears to be picture perfect from the outside of this three- story brownstone is very different from the real drama that is happening on the inside.
Nikki's painful past and Ahmad's irresponsible behavior has led them down a road that takes many tragic turns. Shannon, Nikki's younger sister, has her own plans for Ahmad. Lies, deception and murder all take their toll on this already struggling marriage.
Can this couple get to a loving and trusting place in their relationship or has the collateral damage ruined it for life?
Meet the characters:
Nikki is the quintessential girl next door with brains, beauty and a big heart. She leaves Mobile, Alabama for college life far away from home on the campus of Georgetown University. But no matter how hard she tries, she can't get away from her painful past. Nikki wants to love and be loved but is afraid that if she lets anyone in, she'll be hurt again.
Ahmad has it going on at every level and has his pick of women. He is one of the rising basketball stars for the Georgetown Hoyas but his time on the court is cut short by an awful tragedy. Ahmad is a good guy who constantly makes irresponsible choices that at one point, almost cost him everything.
Shannon, Nikki's emotionally damaged younger sister, also moves to the nation's capital to further her education at nearby Howard University. Both sisters share the same twisted family secret but deal with it differently. Shannon is on a mission to get as much as she can, by any means necessary. Her destructive behavior leaves everyone in her path shell-shocked.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Hazel's HOTmail: Dude Acts Like A Lady
Dear Hazel,
I hope you can offer me some advice about my current situation. I am a thirty-eight year old professional woman who has fallen in love with my twenty-six year old hair stylist.
When I first started going to my hair stylist, I, along with many others, thought he was gay. He wore bright colored shirts with matching shoes, his mannerisms were flamboyant and feminine and he walked with a twist. But the man could do some hair and I made sure that I had a standing appointment with him every week.
During my appointments, he would often ask me out to lunch, dinner or to various plays that came to town. Usually, I declined. Last year, he offered to take me to lunch to celebrate my birthday and this time, I accepted. I had the best time with him. He made me laugh and was a perfect gentleman. His behavior was still a little feminine but not as over the top as it was when he was in the salon. We went out several times after that and I began to think that maybe he wasn’t gay at all but instead just a very sensitive man. The careful attention he paid to his personal appearance made me think that maybe he was metro-sexual. There was absolutely nothing gay about the way he kissed me or the way he threw down when we were in the bedroom. He was the most attentive lover I had ever had.
When I felt our relationship was moving in a more serious direction, I decided it was time to introduce him to my family. I invited him to our family’s annual New Year’s Day reunion dinner. When he arrived, my brothers and sisters took one look at the way he dressed and the way he walked and immediately labeled him a “fag”. It didn’t seem to bother him at all but I was infuriated. I insisted that they apologize to him and to me for being so disrespectful. I told them that he was NOT gay. My mother and my sisters keep telling me that if it walks like a fag, talks like a fag, then it is a fag. My family are not the only people who look at us strangely when we go out. Whenever we’re walking together holding hands or if we share a kiss in public, folks stare.
When I asked him how he feels when people label him as a gay man, he says that as long as he knows who and what he is, it doesn’t matter to him what other people say. He said that when women think he is gay, they open up and tell him a world of sercrets and that their men aren’t threatened by him at all. He says it is good for business and as long as they are paying $100 to $300 to sit in his chair, they can think what they want.
I truly care about this man but I can’t help but be a little bothered by how others view him. Does this make me shallow?
C.C. in Alabama
Dear C.C.,
The fact that you are “bothered” by what other people think of your man doesn’t necessarily mean that you are shallow. I don’t believe that it is what the other people are saying or thinking about him that bothers you. I believe that deep down inside, you are still unsure about his sexuality.
Now, you said in your letter that you asked him how he felt about being labeled as gay but you didn’t say whether or not you have asked him if he is or has been gay or bi-sexual. Just because he can “throw down” in the bedroom is not a sure sign that he is not gay. Remember, gay people have good sex, too.
Intuition can be a wonderful tool, if used correctly. If you have a feeling that something isn’t right about a situation, embrace that feeling and listen to it. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions or have the uncomforatable conversations. Both of you need to have peace of mind in this relationship.
Peace,
Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Have a question about love, sex or relationships? Send them to Hazel’s HOTmail at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com Be sure to put “HOTmail” in the subject line. To insure anonymity, only your initials and your state will be printed.
I hope you can offer me some advice about my current situation. I am a thirty-eight year old professional woman who has fallen in love with my twenty-six year old hair stylist.
When I first started going to my hair stylist, I, along with many others, thought he was gay. He wore bright colored shirts with matching shoes, his mannerisms were flamboyant and feminine and he walked with a twist. But the man could do some hair and I made sure that I had a standing appointment with him every week.
During my appointments, he would often ask me out to lunch, dinner or to various plays that came to town. Usually, I declined. Last year, he offered to take me to lunch to celebrate my birthday and this time, I accepted. I had the best time with him. He made me laugh and was a perfect gentleman. His behavior was still a little feminine but not as over the top as it was when he was in the salon. We went out several times after that and I began to think that maybe he wasn’t gay at all but instead just a very sensitive man. The careful attention he paid to his personal appearance made me think that maybe he was metro-sexual. There was absolutely nothing gay about the way he kissed me or the way he threw down when we were in the bedroom. He was the most attentive lover I had ever had.
When I felt our relationship was moving in a more serious direction, I decided it was time to introduce him to my family. I invited him to our family’s annual New Year’s Day reunion dinner. When he arrived, my brothers and sisters took one look at the way he dressed and the way he walked and immediately labeled him a “fag”. It didn’t seem to bother him at all but I was infuriated. I insisted that they apologize to him and to me for being so disrespectful. I told them that he was NOT gay. My mother and my sisters keep telling me that if it walks like a fag, talks like a fag, then it is a fag. My family are not the only people who look at us strangely when we go out. Whenever we’re walking together holding hands or if we share a kiss in public, folks stare.
When I asked him how he feels when people label him as a gay man, he says that as long as he knows who and what he is, it doesn’t matter to him what other people say. He said that when women think he is gay, they open up and tell him a world of sercrets and that their men aren’t threatened by him at all. He says it is good for business and as long as they are paying $100 to $300 to sit in his chair, they can think what they want.
I truly care about this man but I can’t help but be a little bothered by how others view him. Does this make me shallow?
C.C. in Alabama
Dear C.C.,
The fact that you are “bothered” by what other people think of your man doesn’t necessarily mean that you are shallow. I don’t believe that it is what the other people are saying or thinking about him that bothers you. I believe that deep down inside, you are still unsure about his sexuality.
Now, you said in your letter that you asked him how he felt about being labeled as gay but you didn’t say whether or not you have asked him if he is or has been gay or bi-sexual. Just because he can “throw down” in the bedroom is not a sure sign that he is not gay. Remember, gay people have good sex, too.
Intuition can be a wonderful tool, if used correctly. If you have a feeling that something isn’t right about a situation, embrace that feeling and listen to it. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions or have the uncomforatable conversations. Both of you need to have peace of mind in this relationship.
Peace,
Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Have a question about love, sex or relationships? Send them to Hazel’s HOTmail at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com Be sure to put “HOTmail” in the subject line. To insure anonymity, only your initials and your state will be printed.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Hazel's HOTmail: WWHD? (What Would Hazel Do?)
Dear Hazel,
I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My sister is married to a wonderful man whom she loves dearly. They have been married for eleven years and have four children together.
The problem is that I am in love with her husband and have been since the first time I met him. It was obvious that he felt something for me as well by the way he looked at me and the way he always hugged me. It wasn’t a brotherly hug because sometimes his hand would “just happen” to rub my behind. But neither of us acted on this attraction out of love and respect for my sister. That is, until about a month ago.
My sister was away at a women’s church retreat for the weekend and because her husband had to work, she left her children in my care. Her husband came by late one night to check on the kids but they had already gone to bed. We were talking when one thing led to another. Needless to say, we ended up in bed together.
I’ve been feeling guilty ever since that night and I feel that I need to clear my conscious and come clean about what happened. Her husband says that we should just keep our mouths shut and forget about it.
What would you do if you were in this same situation?
C.D. in Atlanta
Dear C.D.
What would I do? Glad you asked. Well, I would not be in your situation because the “love and respect” I have for my sister strictly prohibits betrayal, in any form.
Now that you have done what you obviously have wanted to do from the beginning, your conscious is bothering you? Please.
You and your sister’s husband are selfish. You both put your needs and desires above everything else and quite frankly, if or when she does find out, you deserve whatever happens.
Peace (if you can find any),
Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com
I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My sister is married to a wonderful man whom she loves dearly. They have been married for eleven years and have four children together.
The problem is that I am in love with her husband and have been since the first time I met him. It was obvious that he felt something for me as well by the way he looked at me and the way he always hugged me. It wasn’t a brotherly hug because sometimes his hand would “just happen” to rub my behind. But neither of us acted on this attraction out of love and respect for my sister. That is, until about a month ago.
My sister was away at a women’s church retreat for the weekend and because her husband had to work, she left her children in my care. Her husband came by late one night to check on the kids but they had already gone to bed. We were talking when one thing led to another. Needless to say, we ended up in bed together.
I’ve been feeling guilty ever since that night and I feel that I need to clear my conscious and come clean about what happened. Her husband says that we should just keep our mouths shut and forget about it.
What would you do if you were in this same situation?
C.D. in Atlanta
Dear C.D.
What would I do? Glad you asked. Well, I would not be in your situation because the “love and respect” I have for my sister strictly prohibits betrayal, in any form.
Now that you have done what you obviously have wanted to do from the beginning, your conscious is bothering you? Please.
You and your sister’s husband are selfish. You both put your needs and desires above everything else and quite frankly, if or when she does find out, you deserve whatever happens.
Peace (if you can find any),
Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Monday, November 10, 2008
Hazel's HOTmail: "Fellatio 101"
Dear Hazel,
I am a newly married woman and I want to learn more about pleasing my husband orally. On our wedding night, I tried giving him a blow job for the first time. My husband was encouraging and patient but I know that I did not do that great of a “job”. I don’t feel comfortable talking with my friends about this because whenever the subject of oral sex comes up, they frown and talk about how disgusting it is.
Can you recommend any books or videos that can help me?
T.D. in Hampton Roads
P.S. I met you at Afr’Am in May and I enjoyed reading your book.
Dear T.D.,
Thank you so much for stopping by our table and purchasing my book at Afr’Am. It means a lot that you not only enjoyed “Bare Necessities” but also that you took the time to write me.
I want to congratulate you on your new marriage and for being an independent thinker and taking control of your sexuality with regards to oral sex. Your friends may “frown and talk about how disgusting” oral sex is when you are around but I am willing to bet that when no one is watching, they are blowing their men senseless.
There are a few resources I would suggest you check out. The first is a book by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, M.D. titled Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve. This is an excellent book filled with information and techniques for every area of your sex life, whether you are a novice or very experienced. There is a section called “Fellatio 101”.The other is The Sinclair Institute’s Better Oral Sex Techniques video that can be ordered at www.bettersex.com.
Practice makes perfect and you will get better with time. It is wonderful that your new husband is patient. This is extremely important and will go a long way in building your confidence. Remember, he wants you to get the hang of this and will allow you ALL of the practice sessions you need.
Relax and enjoy!
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.
I am a newly married woman and I want to learn more about pleasing my husband orally. On our wedding night, I tried giving him a blow job for the first time. My husband was encouraging and patient but I know that I did not do that great of a “job”. I don’t feel comfortable talking with my friends about this because whenever the subject of oral sex comes up, they frown and talk about how disgusting it is.
Can you recommend any books or videos that can help me?
T.D. in Hampton Roads
P.S. I met you at Afr’Am in May and I enjoyed reading your book.
Dear T.D.,
Thank you so much for stopping by our table and purchasing my book at Afr’Am. It means a lot that you not only enjoyed “Bare Necessities” but also that you took the time to write me.
I want to congratulate you on your new marriage and for being an independent thinker and taking control of your sexuality with regards to oral sex. Your friends may “frown and talk about how disgusting” oral sex is when you are around but I am willing to bet that when no one is watching, they are blowing their men senseless.
There are a few resources I would suggest you check out. The first is a book by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, M.D. titled Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve. This is an excellent book filled with information and techniques for every area of your sex life, whether you are a novice or very experienced. There is a section called “Fellatio 101”.The other is The Sinclair Institute’s Better Oral Sex Techniques video that can be ordered at www.bettersex.com.
Practice makes perfect and you will get better with time. It is wonderful that your new husband is patient. This is extremely important and will go a long way in building your confidence. Remember, he wants you to get the hang of this and will allow you ALL of the practice sessions you need.
Relax and enjoy!
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Hazel's HOTmail: Makes Me Wanna Holler!
Dear Hazel,
When by boyfriend and I are making love, he is extremely noisy. He grunts, growls and talks so loudly that I am often distracted and lose my focus. A couple of times he burst into an uncontrollable laughter when he reached that critical moment. I live in an apartment complex and have received comments from my neighbor about the noise.
I’ve tried to be gentle when I talked to my boyfriend about it and he said that he would try not to be so loud. He did pretty good for a few days but then went right back to being loud again. I don’t know if he even realizes how loud he really is.
What else can I do to let him know how much this bothers me without hurting his feelings?
F.W. in Tampa, FL
Dear F.W.
I always suggest open, honest and caring communication with your lover. This situation is delicate and needs to be handled carefully in order to avoid making him feel self-conscious during his performance. You don’t want him to shut down completely and not enjoy lovemaking. You have to remember that the noise he makes while the two of you are in the throes of lovemaking is an indicator for how much he is enjoying himself. Although you didn’t say it in your letter, I don’t believe that you want him to be a silent lover just a much quieter one.
I believe you may be right to assume that he doesn’t realize how loud he becomes during sex. Talk to him again. This time, begin by letting him know all of the things that you adore about making love with him and encourage him to do the same. This is not the time to be coy. This is the time for uninhibited conversation between the two of you about the pleasure you give and receive from each other. But I warn you, all of this dirty talk could lead to excitement for you both and you’ll be back in bed before you even get to discuss the real issue. Also, try to discuss what things you wish the other would do differently. Don’t get your panties in a bunch if or when he says that there is something he wishes you did differently. After all, the focus should be on getting the most out of lovemaking and making it pleasurable for both parties.
You can also try turning up the volume on the stereo. Sometimes background noise helps. Tabletop water fountains are also a good idea and they create a calm and relaxing atmosphere. You should be able to find one for under $20.
And if all else fails, join him. I mean turn up your own volume and get noisy with him. When he growls, you growl louder. When he talks nasty, you talk nastier. When he hollers, you scream. Let go. But make sure that your noise level coincides with how good he’s making you feel or else it will sound as fake as it really is.
Hell, you may find that he starts to tell you that you’re too loud!
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.
When by boyfriend and I are making love, he is extremely noisy. He grunts, growls and talks so loudly that I am often distracted and lose my focus. A couple of times he burst into an uncontrollable laughter when he reached that critical moment. I live in an apartment complex and have received comments from my neighbor about the noise.
I’ve tried to be gentle when I talked to my boyfriend about it and he said that he would try not to be so loud. He did pretty good for a few days but then went right back to being loud again. I don’t know if he even realizes how loud he really is.
What else can I do to let him know how much this bothers me without hurting his feelings?
F.W. in Tampa, FL
Dear F.W.
I always suggest open, honest and caring communication with your lover. This situation is delicate and needs to be handled carefully in order to avoid making him feel self-conscious during his performance. You don’t want him to shut down completely and not enjoy lovemaking. You have to remember that the noise he makes while the two of you are in the throes of lovemaking is an indicator for how much he is enjoying himself. Although you didn’t say it in your letter, I don’t believe that you want him to be a silent lover just a much quieter one.
I believe you may be right to assume that he doesn’t realize how loud he becomes during sex. Talk to him again. This time, begin by letting him know all of the things that you adore about making love with him and encourage him to do the same. This is not the time to be coy. This is the time for uninhibited conversation between the two of you about the pleasure you give and receive from each other. But I warn you, all of this dirty talk could lead to excitement for you both and you’ll be back in bed before you even get to discuss the real issue. Also, try to discuss what things you wish the other would do differently. Don’t get your panties in a bunch if or when he says that there is something he wishes you did differently. After all, the focus should be on getting the most out of lovemaking and making it pleasurable for both parties.
You can also try turning up the volume on the stereo. Sometimes background noise helps. Tabletop water fountains are also a good idea and they create a calm and relaxing atmosphere. You should be able to find one for under $20.
And if all else fails, join him. I mean turn up your own volume and get noisy with him. When he growls, you growl louder. When he talks nasty, you talk nastier. When he hollers, you scream. Let go. But make sure that your noise level coincides with how good he’s making you feel or else it will sound as fake as it really is.
Hell, you may find that he starts to tell you that you’re too loud!
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Hazel's HOTmail: Cultural Exchange
Dear Hazel,
I recently became engaged to a wonderful man. We met about a year and a half ago in graduate school. At first, getting married seemed to be the right thing to do but I am beginning to have second thoughts.
My fiancée is from Africa and the cultural differences worry me. When my family learned about our engagement, they immediately began telling me stories about African men who believe in having many wives and about how domineering African men are with their spouses.
I have never seen any of these characteristics in my fiancée. I wanted to be totally sure so I asked him point blank if I would be one of many wives. He insists that he is not interested in having another wife. He also says that we will be equals in this marriage and that I have absolutely nothing to worry about.
My mother strongly feels as if he’s just telling me what I want to hear right now but that everything will change after the I do’s.
I love him and have no doubts regarding his love for me but I can’t ignore the fact that culturally, we are worlds apart. His family does not live in America and I know very little about them or their lifestyle. All I know is what he has told me. I wouldn’t actually get to meet his family until they came to the United States for the wedding.
I don’t want to go into this marriage feeling like I am in the dark about what I may or may not be getting into. This decision will affect the rest of my life. How can I be sure?
J.T. in Chicago
Dear J.T.,
We have all watched the episode of Good Times about Thelma and Ebay. And, yes, we also have heard the horror stories about our friends who have married African men. I have one question for you. How well do you know YOUR African man?
Although cultural differences do exist between the two of you, I am not fond of generalizations. All African men are not the same just like all African-American men are not the same or any other individual within a group.
As with any marriage, before you walk down the isle, you and your fiancée need to have some real in-depth conversations regarding the vision you both have for your lives together. Both of you should be prepared to ask and to answer the hard questions honestly. Leave no stone unturned when it comes to decisions that will directly affect your life. The advice and concern of your family is genuine and well meant but you are the one who is getting married to this man. What do you feel in your gut? Intuition is an excellent barometer for bullshit.
What else can you do? Nothing. It comes down to trust. Either you trust that he is being honest with you about his beliefs when it comes to marriage or you don’t.
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line
I recently became engaged to a wonderful man. We met about a year and a half ago in graduate school. At first, getting married seemed to be the right thing to do but I am beginning to have second thoughts.
My fiancée is from Africa and the cultural differences worry me. When my family learned about our engagement, they immediately began telling me stories about African men who believe in having many wives and about how domineering African men are with their spouses.
I have never seen any of these characteristics in my fiancée. I wanted to be totally sure so I asked him point blank if I would be one of many wives. He insists that he is not interested in having another wife. He also says that we will be equals in this marriage and that I have absolutely nothing to worry about.
My mother strongly feels as if he’s just telling me what I want to hear right now but that everything will change after the I do’s.
I love him and have no doubts regarding his love for me but I can’t ignore the fact that culturally, we are worlds apart. His family does not live in America and I know very little about them or their lifestyle. All I know is what he has told me. I wouldn’t actually get to meet his family until they came to the United States for the wedding.
I don’t want to go into this marriage feeling like I am in the dark about what I may or may not be getting into. This decision will affect the rest of my life. How can I be sure?
J.T. in Chicago
Dear J.T.,
We have all watched the episode of Good Times about Thelma and Ebay. And, yes, we also have heard the horror stories about our friends who have married African men. I have one question for you. How well do you know YOUR African man?
Although cultural differences do exist between the two of you, I am not fond of generalizations. All African men are not the same just like all African-American men are not the same or any other individual within a group.
As with any marriage, before you walk down the isle, you and your fiancée need to have some real in-depth conversations regarding the vision you both have for your lives together. Both of you should be prepared to ask and to answer the hard questions honestly. Leave no stone unturned when it comes to decisions that will directly affect your life. The advice and concern of your family is genuine and well meant but you are the one who is getting married to this man. What do you feel in your gut? Intuition is an excellent barometer for bullshit.
What else can you do? Nothing. It comes down to trust. Either you trust that he is being honest with you about his beliefs when it comes to marriage or you don’t.
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Hazel's HOTmail: Church Lady Love
Dear Hazel,
I know that by writing you this letter I am really asking for it. But I am hoping that you or your readers will be able to offer me some sound advice about my situation. The problem I have is that I am in love with a married woman and we have been sneaking around for months.
First, I need to tell you that I did not seek out a relationship with a married woman. It is something that just happened. We attend the same church and have been on several committees together. After spending quite a bit of time working with this woman, I was first attracted to her intelligence and character and it wasn’t long before I found myself attracted to her physically. I did not let on about my attraction because I did not want to do or say anything that would be inappropriate. After all, she was married.
As co-chairs for the 100th anniversary of our church, we were always together for meetings or talking on the phone. The conversations were not limited to church business. We got to know a lot about each other. The more I knew about her, the more I fell for her. She was everything that I dreamed of. Smart, beautiful and God-fearing.
Before I go any further with this letter, I need to tell you that I am also a woman. Up to now, no one knew that I am a lesbian. I’ve kept that part of my life a pretty well guarded secret. I do not look like what the world perceives as the stereotypical lesbian. I am a very beautiful young woman. I told her about my lifestyle during one of our many lengthy conversations about relationships. I felt just that comfortable with her. She didn’t judge me nor did she stop calling even after we were done planning the event. As a matter of fact, she called me and came by my apartment more. I was careful not to actively pursue her but I suspected that she was gaining an attraction to me. I was right. We have become secret lovers.
I feel guilty about this because she is married to a wonderful and kind man who loves her very much. He has no clue what is going on between his wife and I. He believes that we are just very good friends and he is very good and kind to me as well. The fact that we are deceiving him is killing me. She says that she has no plans of leaving her husband. She recently revealed to me that I am not the first woman or man that she has had an affair with and probably won’t be the last.
I know that I should end this relationship but like I’ve said before, I am in love with her and it would be so hard to end it now. But how can I go on knowing that we are hurting her husband and that there can be no future for she and I? I can’t talk about this problem with anyone because no one knows about me being lesbian and I am not ready to make that information public because I’ve seen the problems that creates.
Please be honest and real with your advice. What should I do?
D.L. in N.C.
Dear D.L.,
In the words of the eloquent poet laureate, Flava Flav, Woooooooooooooow. This is a funky situation. You wrote to me for honest advice, so here we go.
You two “church ladies” are as wrong as a ham at a Muslim wedding. What the hell are you doing? During all of your church committee meetings, did either of you actually pick up a bible and read that little list of do’s and don’ts? Adultery is in the top ten.
I am not completely convinced that you did not pursue her. There was something; a look, a touch, a vibe that alerted her to the possibility that something could happen between you two. No matter what, she was and still is married. Translation: OFF LIMITS!
Now you’re hurt because she has told you that cheating is her hobby and she is not leaving her husband for you or anybody else. Well, did you really expect her to?
Here’s a little tip. If a man or woman cheats with you, they will cheat on you. So in reality, she has done you a favor by giving you a heads up on what type of woman she really is. The fact that she sleeps around with every Tom, Dick and Harriett puts both you and her husband at risk for all kinds of deadly shit.
I think the real reason that you may not want to end the relationship is not because you are head over heels in love with her but mainly because you’re afraid that she may vengefully “out” you to the congregation. There is no guarantee that she won’t. What is it they say about what’s done in the dark? End the affair with her and either deal with it at your current church or join another church. But know this, you cannot run from who you are forever and be truly happy. You’ve got to face the music sooner or later. The people in your life who love you for real are going to continue to love you. Those that reject who you are probably didn’t really give a rat’s ass about you in the first place.
Yes my friend, you should end this. It’s wrong and there is not future in it.
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.
I know that by writing you this letter I am really asking for it. But I am hoping that you or your readers will be able to offer me some sound advice about my situation. The problem I have is that I am in love with a married woman and we have been sneaking around for months.
First, I need to tell you that I did not seek out a relationship with a married woman. It is something that just happened. We attend the same church and have been on several committees together. After spending quite a bit of time working with this woman, I was first attracted to her intelligence and character and it wasn’t long before I found myself attracted to her physically. I did not let on about my attraction because I did not want to do or say anything that would be inappropriate. After all, she was married.
As co-chairs for the 100th anniversary of our church, we were always together for meetings or talking on the phone. The conversations were not limited to church business. We got to know a lot about each other. The more I knew about her, the more I fell for her. She was everything that I dreamed of. Smart, beautiful and God-fearing.
Before I go any further with this letter, I need to tell you that I am also a woman. Up to now, no one knew that I am a lesbian. I’ve kept that part of my life a pretty well guarded secret. I do not look like what the world perceives as the stereotypical lesbian. I am a very beautiful young woman. I told her about my lifestyle during one of our many lengthy conversations about relationships. I felt just that comfortable with her. She didn’t judge me nor did she stop calling even after we were done planning the event. As a matter of fact, she called me and came by my apartment more. I was careful not to actively pursue her but I suspected that she was gaining an attraction to me. I was right. We have become secret lovers.
I feel guilty about this because she is married to a wonderful and kind man who loves her very much. He has no clue what is going on between his wife and I. He believes that we are just very good friends and he is very good and kind to me as well. The fact that we are deceiving him is killing me. She says that she has no plans of leaving her husband. She recently revealed to me that I am not the first woman or man that she has had an affair with and probably won’t be the last.
I know that I should end this relationship but like I’ve said before, I am in love with her and it would be so hard to end it now. But how can I go on knowing that we are hurting her husband and that there can be no future for she and I? I can’t talk about this problem with anyone because no one knows about me being lesbian and I am not ready to make that information public because I’ve seen the problems that creates.
Please be honest and real with your advice. What should I do?
D.L. in N.C.
Dear D.L.,
In the words of the eloquent poet laureate, Flava Flav, Woooooooooooooow. This is a funky situation. You wrote to me for honest advice, so here we go.
You two “church ladies” are as wrong as a ham at a Muslim wedding. What the hell are you doing? During all of your church committee meetings, did either of you actually pick up a bible and read that little list of do’s and don’ts? Adultery is in the top ten.
I am not completely convinced that you did not pursue her. There was something; a look, a touch, a vibe that alerted her to the possibility that something could happen between you two. No matter what, she was and still is married. Translation: OFF LIMITS!
Now you’re hurt because she has told you that cheating is her hobby and she is not leaving her husband for you or anybody else. Well, did you really expect her to?
Here’s a little tip. If a man or woman cheats with you, they will cheat on you. So in reality, she has done you a favor by giving you a heads up on what type of woman she really is. The fact that she sleeps around with every Tom, Dick and Harriett puts both you and her husband at risk for all kinds of deadly shit.
I think the real reason that you may not want to end the relationship is not because you are head over heels in love with her but mainly because you’re afraid that she may vengefully “out” you to the congregation. There is no guarantee that she won’t. What is it they say about what’s done in the dark? End the affair with her and either deal with it at your current church or join another church. But know this, you cannot run from who you are forever and be truly happy. You’ve got to face the music sooner or later. The people in your life who love you for real are going to continue to love you. Those that reject who you are probably didn’t really give a rat’s ass about you in the first place.
Yes my friend, you should end this. It’s wrong and there is not future in it.
Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.
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